Hold the phone! That the way to land date two might not be to keep your phone locked for 72 hours and blank the girl of your dreams? Well, colour us confused. The early days of dating are difficult to navigate — perilous and unpredictably murky waters where even the smallest of wrong moves threaten to sink your chances. But, even if counting down the hours until you drop your date a line is the accepted norm, why would you want to play it safe?
Posted by Sandy Weiner in communication skills in datingdating first divorcered flags in relationships 1 comment. If you want to save yourself from days, weeks, months, or years of suffering and pain, pay close attention to the words and actions of a man. And believe it or not, the call time to pick up on any red flags is during your very first conversation.
Why is this conversation so important? Men often reveal just about everything you need to know about their character and what you can expect from them in a relationship. You are not yet clouded with hormones like Oxytocin, the bonding hormone that is released through sexual activity. You know, that hormone that makes you a little stupid and puts a blindfold yours your gut feelings about him? This is the hormone that has you shove all the negative character dates he displays under the proverbial rug.
10 tips for the first phonecall
I have had the most revealing first phone calls with men I connected with online. They have let me know that they are newly separated and interested in casual relationships with multiple women. Most men love to talk about themselves at the onset of a relationship. They share information that they believe endears them to you.
And then when they get into a relationship with you, they often clam up. I know, exasperating!
But at the same time, how wonderful is it to have a secret portal to his character and relationship-readiness from that first conversation? All names are changed to protect privacy. They exchanged a few more s, and Abe asked for her phone. Finally, a man who was interested in escalating a relationship from to phone!
How to spot red flags on the first phone call
She gave him her Google Voicethe I recommend all clients use for online dating. Google Voice also allows you to block s, a great feature for dating, both online and offline. It puts you more in control of your dating experience. Later that night, Abe called. She immediately sensed his low energy.
Perhaps he was a little nervous, which is understandable for a first phone call. So she paid less attention to his voice first and more attention to his words. They both had kids with behavior problems, and that caused the downfall of both marriages. Arielle is looking for a positive, forward-thinking man. She wants to be in a relationship with someone who has worked through his past baggage and lives a life yours few regrets.
Red flag 2: Arielle is religious, and although Abe shared her religious affiliation, when she asked about his level of observance, he said he was agnostic. He was raised that way, and he was very happy as an agnostic. While Arielle can be a little flexible about how the man in her life practices their shared religion, at the very least, they would need to share a belief in God and observe some of the rituals. She dates to be able to call Holiday dinners with her ificant other and her close family, and Abe would not fit into her lifestyle.
This was a deal breaker. She had all the information she needed to know that he was not someone she wanted date. She told him it was nice talking, but felt they were not a good match. He thanked her for the conversation, wished her good luck, and hung up.
All good, right? Red flag 3: Abe showed his true colors in this follow-up. Notice how reactive he was. Arielle never put Abe down.
When to call after your first date
She simply stated her must-haves, that being with a man who is on the same religiously is important to her. When she opened this finalhis words stung for a second or two.
Am I really a hypocrite? She knew she was kind.
Not sure what to say on the phone? this list of questions will keep the conversation going:
She chose her words carefully on that phone call, as she does throughout her life. She knew call a doubt that she dodged a bullet by putting an end to her relationship with Abe before it even got to a first date. There were two things at play that helped Arielle become crystal clear in her decision to end things with Abe. She knew her 5 must-havesthe things she absolutely needed in a relationship. Without them, the relationship would not work. Now identify what he needs to do your date for you to feel safe and happy. Those are your must-haves. Notice that they have nothing to do with looks, income level, or shared activities — which is what most people focus on first.
I didn’t go on a single date in
She identified her 5 deal breakersthe things she would not tolerate in a relationship. This is the line-in-the-sand. What you need to walk away from. Often, when a relationship ends, you can trace back to the first conversation and realize that he revealed all of the issues right up front. Have you been able to spot red flags from a first conversation?
Please share your experience with red flags and first conversations. I want to hear from you!
Yes, yes and yes! I am shaking my head yes all the way down. So, dating in the pandemic has gotten me on the phone. On top of the googlegold! Me: So what caused the divorce? Chances are, that would be you talking about me to the next girl. You said it best, they reveal who they are in the very beginning.
I wasted 7 months with a man who told me everything I needed to call, I ignored, got attached for the date reasons, back in the dating scene to not make the same mistakes twice. That first phone call is everything! Notify me of follow-up comments by. Notify me of new posts by. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
Address. My parents taught us by living the golden rule of kindness and care for others. I doubt yours and your kin first the spirit of true religion. I find many very religious folks quite the hypocrite, and take offense by the looking yours of the faithful on the non. Tiff October 30, at AM. I take plenty of notes, BOYS. Tweets Tweets by lastfirstdate1.
The best pre-date phone call i ever had